After a relationship ends, there are often hard feelings between the parties. Communicating with your ex is usually the last thing you want to do. However, if you have children together, you will need to have discussions with your ex. Keep in mind, that when deciding parental responsibility (decision making authority) for your child(ren), the Court will order shared parental responsibility unless one parent can show that forcing them to communicate would be harmful to the child(ren).
Your ability to control your negative feelings towards your ex are extremely important. Always, always, always, be respectful in discussions with your ex. Yes, this is difficult, but it is necessary. It is best to discuss important, non-emergency subjects via email or text. This way, you have a record of what was said and what was decided. Your email should be polite and should stick to the topic. Do not use this as an opportunity to name call or to argue about your ex’s new relationship or their failure to pay child support. Never have discussions regarding important decisions in front of your child(ren) and definitely do not use your child(ren) as messengers. You are the adult. No matter how hard the conversation is or how difficult your ex is, it is your responsibility to keep your child(ren) out of the middle.
Using email and text gives you the opportunity to think about what you want to say and how you say it. It also gives us the chance to use your ex’s poor responses against them in court. The same is true in reverse, so be careful. The best rule for communicating with your ex in a difficult situation is to type the email or text and then walk away before sending it. Give yourself a little time and then look at the message again. Before sending any message think about how the Court would interpret what you said and how you said it. When in doubt, do not send the message. Call your attorney to discuss the matter if need be. Taking the time to cool down before hitting send is a good way to prevent yourself from reacting to triggers which cause you to lash out.
The ultimate goal is to reach a point where both parents are able to put aside their differences and co-parent the child(ren).