Often times as a family law attorney, I find myself diving immediately into what the law says when talking to men about the potential of them filing for divorce.
I begin analyzing the facts of my clients’ life and assessing what needs to be done to put him in a good position for the litigation.
Questionnaires are handed out and many questions are asked, yet all too often I think the potential client hasn’t fully answered the one question that may be the most important before traveling down this rabbit hole called divorce; is it over?
For a lot of guys, that is an easy answer.
They say “Absolutely!” and follow that by asking, “How quickly can we get this done?”
For other men however, there is an uncertainty that makes them reluctant to press on “full steam ahead” and file for divorce. Maybe it’s their children? Maybe it’s the love they still have for the other person? Whatever the reason, if you are one of those men, then this article is for you.
Is Your Marriage Over?
So let’s start at the beginning briefly.
You got married, worked hard at your job, bought a house, a couple of cars, took some vacations, had some children, and for a while – there were a lot of good times. Everything was great… until now.
Something(s) have triggered this life change and it’s becoming increasingly clearer to you that you are no longer working together as a team with your wife.
Never mind that the normal affection may be gone, she cannot stand the look of you. Or, maybe you cannot stand the look of her. But no matter the tough times right now, you’re convinced you both can push through.
Somehow, some way, you believe that you can work through this.
Now, if you are realistic with yourself and believe that you are in fact heading for a divorce, but you really want to give it that one last try, that’s fine, go for it. But, you still may want to think through a couple of steps ahead to protect yourself in case the inevitable does come.
When It’s Time To File For Divorce
In this scenario, it would still be smart to consider filing for the divorce for various reasons. (i.e., see earlier articles re: Equitable Distribution, Alimony, Retirement Accounts, etc.)
Now it may have an adverse effect on your wife psychologically, the moment you file for divorce, however note that you don’t necessarily have to serve her with it right away. Sometimes men simply file, and at the same time pursue things like marriage counseling to sincerely give it that last chance effort.
If they can fix their marriage, these men typically consider just voluntarily dismissing their case if they do actually get back together. In those cases, you may only be out of pocket some initial retainer and a filing fee.
On the other hand, if you do file and serve right away, you could still work to save your marriage; it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing venture. A lot of people try to work through something like that, while having the divorce petition pending.
You could effectively pause the proceedings by entering into an agreement to abate everything for some specified period of time in order to attempt methods such as marriage counseling with the hope of reconciliation.
Nevertheless, securing your filing date is a smart move.
Whatever you decide, resolving this inner tension is very important before embarking on a divorce. Think long and hard on this, as such proceedings are costly, time-consuming, and emotionally exhausting; this process should not be taken lightly.
It is not good for your health, your family, or your wallet, to be half in and half out of proceedings like this. Uncertainty only leads to difficult decisions, often times procrastination by the client, dragged out proceedings, costly retainers, and lack of overall conclusions in the case; all of which ultimately lead to an impasse at mediation and an ultimate trial date in the end for something you’re confused and frustrated about.
So, if divorce is potentially on the horizon for you, sit down with a family law professional. Get all the facts, consider your options, then make an informed decision on how to best proceed.
Now on the other side of this situation, if your wife has decided quite clearly that it is over, she wants to file for a divorce, then that is a reality you must face because the proceedings will not wait for you. If she wants the divorce, the proceedings will press on.
Only one person needs to be on board with the dissolution, so use the resources available to you to help you move on, obtain legal counsel, and begin making a plan for how to move forward.
Simply ignoring court filings that are showing up in your mailbox is not going to stop anything. If you ignore everything, it could have irreparable harm to your life, as she could possibly move to default you in the proceedings and push on to a default trial without you ever being present.
So, do not be shy in asking for help. If you need legal advice, get an attorney.
If you need help with the emotional aspects with these changes, seek out a therapist, counselor, or support group, as well as friends and family who can help you through this difficult time.
If you or someone you know is taking that step towards divorce, don’t wait, call Men’s Rights Law Firm today for a consultation at 239-829-0166.
